Hi lovely readers! So as you may noticed, I haven't been writing as much as before. This is not because I don't experience anything at all, because I've been experiencing quite a lot the last couple of weeks, but it's just that I couldn't find the words to express it I guess. I want to share what's going on in my life at the moment today tho:).I'm literally sitting in a 'rollercoaster'. I said before in an earlier post that I was stressing about school, well that kind of worked out. It's all good now and I found my schoolflow back. I'm out of that "dark place" what made me so demotivated. Yay. So I thought I finally found some peace in my life you know, just chill, everything okay. I don't know if it's a "human being-thingy" or if it's just me, but when I overcome something (like my schoolstress for example) I kinda feel good about myself and that's where pride comes in. What I mean with pride is not only like "yeah I did it by myself, I'm the best" no, I also mean: I'm finally done fighting! And this is where most of us get tricked because it's not done, it's not over, we still have a war going on. Well, like I said I had to think twice and not think that 'it was over' because not only it wasn't over, things were attacking me with maybe a thousand guns more and they hit me hard. This is really where my faith was been tested.
Trusting in God when you're hurt (or maybe dissapointed) by people you love is really hard. I think we all have been through it. And that's why I said that it's better to not be dissapointed by humans, because we all fail, we all aren't capable of constantly pleasing people all the time. Even though I didn't gave my whole trust and expectations in these people, I'm still made out of flesh so maybe 10% did so. And the 10% was let down again and for me that small amount of percentage means a lot. Many times I said to God: I can't take this. This is too much and I know you gave premission to let this happen but I think you got the wrong person. I've been waiting for a change for so long, for a breakthrough, a revival but the situation around me still didn't change. It actually got worse. Years and years it was still the same old, same old. This makes me weary and tired and just really sad actually. But God speaks to me, maybe not directly but He gives me answers through people. Or He answers me when I'm reading. My youth pastor and I were just talking and he said to me you know, we all expect things to change directly because when you read the bible and you finish a story, it will take you maybe what, 3 hours? So you also expect that from God, He needs to finish your problems in 3 hours not knowing that the israelites were suffering for 40 years in that desert, just wandering and hoping that God would show them the way. Ofcourse their faith began to slip off and they were like: okay God where r u now? But God let them wander in there for 40 years so that their unbelief could die off. But despite their unbelief, God still provided them and He still loved them. This is really an eye-opener for me because this story is saying that I need to wait on Him. And that I need to trust God (someone I can't see but who I really NEED) for what He's doing at the moment. That's what's called Faith. And through this all, I am thankful for who He is and that He didn't allow this to happen because He wants to see me suffer or so. I just know something GREAT and something BIG is behind that dark cloud what makes me not see what He has prepared. Through this all I can feel how much He loves me and how He walkes besides me. If you can relate in any kind of way, I hope I can encourage you to NOT give up, you just got to hang in there a little bit more! There is hope, there are better things ahead and the only thing we have to do is be still and know He's God because He will fight for you. He will make sure you'll get through that fog so that you can see and taste His goodness.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. Love, Yin.
